Immediately!

"He's unattractive."

"How is he unattractive?"

"He tucks his t-shirts into his high-rise dad jeans."

Good career: check

Expensive mansion in Pittsford (rich neighborhood in Rochester): check

Responsible: check

No kids: check

Jewish: check (and approved by my parents)

However, he was the least appealing man to be around. Whiny voice, no sense of style or adventure. Not decisive. The man feared vegetables. (Not disliked. Feared). 

We had been seeing one another sporadically. Dinner here and there but thats pretty much it. 

It took him about 7 dinners to finally ask if he could "kiss" me. Actually, it was more like babbling on about expectations for 30 minutes to the point that I had no idea what he was talking about. Once that was deciphered he mustered up enough courage and nerdy awkward energy to give me, what I can only describe as, a chicken peck on the lips. 

Now, I actually happen to have been pecked by a chicken as a child, so I know exactly how that feels. (My grandfather later slaughtered that chicken to avenge me and we had a lovely lunch.) But I digress. 

I knew I had to break it off.  I was really hoping that we'd mutually come to that agreement/realization. We had nothing in common. He feared vegetables for goodness sake!

It was less than a week since I was laid off. I had lots going on but that didn't stop Mr. Wonderful from hounding me to spend some time with him. Many e-mails and phone calls later I had to finally tell him that I'd get in touch with him when I had time.

Apparently I didn't get in touch with him quick enough. After sending me more e-mails to pester me to see him, he left me the following voicemail: (Extra letters and Caps Locks used to emphasis how he enunciated.)

Hi Rona,

It’s #####.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo listen, I haven’t heard a siiiiingle word from you at aalllll since that e-mail Monday where YOU asked to reeeeschedule OUR date. Now that is despite MY couple of attempts to get in touch with you where I think I made it QUITE clear that I INDEED want to see you again and asked for an update on when you might be available. I think that deserves a response of some sort.

Now, I can imagine a lot of possible reasons for your total lack of communication. Unfortunately, the vast majority come down to you being, lets say, (sigh) a JERK to me, in one way or another. BUT I though I should try be fair and give you one last opportunity to set the record straight before I jump to the obvious conclusions. So if you have AAAAAANNNYYYY desire to EVER speak to me again on friendly terms, I HIIIIIIIGHLY SUGGEST you give me a call or send me an e-mail IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEDIATELY!

And just to be clear, because I know you have certain issues with the concept of time IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEDIATELY! does not mean next year. It does not mean next month or next week or tomorrow. It means TOOOOOODAAAAAAAYYYYYY! Sunday the 29^th of December TWO THOUSAND and THIRTEEN, in the common era. I don’t think I can be MUCH MORE clear than that.  The rest is up to YOU!

BYE!

Clearly, he's a winner. I should call him, IMMEDIATELY!!!